It’s been said many times over that ” Life goes on”.  I am a true believer in that.  Life does go on, with or without you.  Traumatic tragedy and trauma are all around us.   It’s a fact that while on this earth we will all experience loss, sickness, disability, or separation from a loved one.  All of our stories are different , but no one is immune when it comes to these things.  It is just part of being human.

I feel like I have experienced so much  in my short 40 years on this earth and I am sure there will be more to come.  Here is what I’ve learned along the way to help process things , and to assist anyone out there struggling with finding the inspiration to keep going.

Ask for Help

Trauma can rewire our thinking.  Sometimes you are so far in that hole , you don’t know which way is up.  Ask someone to throw you a rope .  Don’t be ashamed to call on friends for help.  Let them know you are struggling and try to be clear about what it is you need from them.  Maybe it is just someone to listen.  Maybe you need a laugh.  Often times our family and friends will try in ways they hope are helpful but actually are not beneficial to our healing because it wasn’t what we needed at the time.  Be clear on what it is you need from them.  Don’t count out support groups or a professional therapist.  It is comforting to speak about sensitive things with someone outside your circle that has a professional background in what you are dealing with.  In a group setting you will find people who are experiencing the same things.  This can be a comforting safe space for you to not only express yourself , but to find contrast .

Find Contrast

Take a look around, you are not the only one in pain.  It’s true what they say you know?  ” It could always be worse”.  What a terrible way to see things huh?  I don’t think so because it opens up this line of  positive thinking somehow.  At the times I have felt the lowest,  it helped me to see that compared to some , my troubles are a walk in the park.  I’m not talking about comparing your wounds.  I’m talking about finding a space in your soul where you can tell yourself ” Yes this is bad, I’m in a place that doesn’t feel good, but it could be worse. “.   Then look past all that negativity and find what is good in your life.

Focus on the Good

It could be the littlest things.  You have a home.  You have a bed. etc. etc.  Start simple to get it going.  One tool I acquired over the years was a technique where you do exactly that.  Each morning and night you sit and count all the things you are grateful for in your life.  Tragedy only brings more tragedy if we dwell on it and keep it in our thoughts too long.  Being grateful and appreciating what is good in your life will bring more good.  Make sense?  I use a string of beads  that my daughter pieced together when she was little.  I close my eyes and I hold each bead in my hand while saying something I appreciate about my life.  Take your time with it.  Be very specific and thorough.  List everything.  Do this morning and night for ten days straight and watch how your world starts to shift.

Know that Change is the Only Constant

The only thing we can count on in this world is that things will change.  It’s scary to think about sometimes , but that is the reality.  Mentally prepare yourself so that when bad things happen you can think of it as just another change in your life.  We can’t hold the universe in a choke hold.  We can’t sit in our sorrows too long. It’s all about perspective.  We ourselves give meaning to the things that happen in our life.  We actually have the power to let it take us , or discover that this is just change and life will go on . I personally have experienced some of my biggest wins after tragedy has hit.

Look for Open Doors

In the midst of trauma we can not see past our own face.  Often times there are open doors , with much opportunity to be had, but we miss them because of the fog over our eyes.   Again ” life keeps going with or without you”  .  No matter what has happened , there is a brighter day .  Set your mentality on that and keep your eyes open for “direction” after crisis.  You may find it in a person, place or thing . It may just be a very important lesson you have learned that will help you and possibly others in the future.  It’s all about staying present and living in the now.  This is a major key to life after trauma.

Let it Go

When there is nothing left to do, and nothing left to say, when you have no control over the situation, or the time has past for you to take action;  you must let it go! When we hold on to things it effects us at a cellular level.  I’m not saying to forget a loved one , or forget what happened to you.  I am saying that we have to make peace with things and release control when there is nothing we can do about a situation.  Have you ever heard the line ” stress kills”?  It truly will take you down.  When we experience trauma and we do not find a way to get back to some kind of balance, this is where major disease plants its seeds.  That seed will grow rapidly.  Being aware of how our body feels is very important.  Find ways of healthy release.

Releasing Tension 

Release tension and stress in the body.  Maybe it’s laughter , a nice stretch, a long morning walk, or just breathing . Do something ! A good exercise I use is a method called Box Breathing.  Basically you breathe in for four seconds. Hold it at the top for four seconds.  Let it out for four seconds and then hold it at the bottom for another four.  Repeat that sequence four or five times.  There is such a power in the breath when resetting the mind and body.  This will also open your diaphragm and help the blood and muscles get oxygenated. Exercise also offers a moment/space for the mind to take a rest and focus on something else .  It can be such a helpful tool when you can’t stop thinking about something.

In closing:

Life is complicated.  There will always be highs and lows.  Some of the lows catch us by surprise.  In those moments remember to:

Stay Present

Ask For Help

Focus on what is Good in your Life

Know that it is Only Change

Look for Open Doors

Let go of what you Can’t Control

Find a way to Release the Stress in your Physical Body

 

Don’t give up ! You will get through this!  Stay present friends.  Be Well.