Tag: mental health

How to Keep Going After Tragedy Hits

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It’s been said many times over that ” Life goes on”.  I am a true believer in that.  Life does go on, with or without you.  Traumatic tragedy and trauma are all around us.   It’s a fact that while on this earth we will all experience loss, sickness, disability, or separation from a loved one.  All of our stories are different , but no one is immune when it comes to these things.  It is just part of being human.

I feel like I have experienced so much  in my short 40 years on this earth and I am sure there will be more to come.  Here is what I’ve learned along the way to help process things , and to assist anyone out there struggling with finding the inspiration to keep going.

Ask for Help

Trauma can rewire our thinking.  Sometimes you are so far in that hole , you don’t know which way is up.  Ask someone to throw you a rope .  Don’t be ashamed to call on friends for help.  Let them know you are struggling and try to be clear about what it is you need from them.  Maybe it is just someone to listen.  Maybe you need a laugh.  Often times our family and friends will try in ways they hope are helpful but actually are not beneficial to our healing because it wasn’t what we needed at the time.  Be clear on what it is you need from them.  Don’t count out support groups or a professional therapist.  It is comforting to speak about sensitive things with someone outside your circle that has a professional background in what you are dealing with.  In a group setting you will find people who are experiencing the same things.  This can be a comforting safe space for you to not only express yourself , but to find contrast .

Find Contrast

Take a look around, you are not the only one in pain.  It’s true what they say you know?  ” It could always be worse”.  What a terrible way to see things huh?  I don’t think so because it opens up this line of  positive thinking somehow.  At the times I have felt the lowest,  it helped me to see that compared to some , my troubles are a walk in the park.  I’m not talking about comparing your wounds.  I’m talking about finding a space in your soul where you can tell yourself ” Yes this is bad, I’m in a place that doesn’t feel good, but it could be worse. “.   Then look past all that negativity and find what is good in your life.

Focus on the Good

It could be the littlest things.  You have a home.  You have a bed. etc. etc.  Start simple to get it going.  One tool I acquired over the years was a technique where you do exactly that.  Each morning and night you sit and count all the things you are grateful for in your life.  Tragedy only brings more tragedy if we dwell on it and keep it in our thoughts too long.  Being grateful and appreciating what is good in your life will bring more good.  Make sense?  I use a string of beads  that my daughter pieced together when she was little.  I close my eyes and I hold each bead in my hand while saying something I appreciate about my life.  Take your time with it.  Be very specific and thorough.  List everything.  Do this morning and night for ten days straight and watch how your world starts to shift.

Know that Change is the Only Constant

The only thing we can count on in this world is that things will change.  It’s scary to think about sometimes , but that is the reality.  Mentally prepare yourself so that when bad things happen you can think of it as just another change in your life.  We can’t hold the universe in a choke hold.  We can’t sit in our sorrows too long. It’s all about perspective.  We ourselves give meaning to the things that happen in our life.  We actually have the power to let it take us , or discover that this is just change and life will go on . I personally have experienced some of my biggest wins after tragedy has hit.

Look for Open Doors

In the midst of trauma we can not see past our own face.  Often times there are open doors , with much opportunity to be had, but we miss them because of the fog over our eyes.   Again ” life keeps going with or without you”  .  No matter what has happened , there is a brighter day .  Set your mentality on that and keep your eyes open for “direction” after crisis.  You may find it in a person, place or thing . It may just be a very important lesson you have learned that will help you and possibly others in the future.  It’s all about staying present and living in the now.  This is a major key to life after trauma.

Let it Go

When there is nothing left to do, and nothing left to say, when you have no control over the situation, or the time has past for you to take action;  you must let it go! When we hold on to things it effects us at a cellular level.  I’m not saying to forget a loved one , or forget what happened to you.  I am saying that we have to make peace with things and release control when there is nothing we can do about a situation.  Have you ever heard the line ” stress kills”?  It truly will take you down.  When we experience trauma and we do not find a way to get back to some kind of balance, this is where major disease plants its seeds.  That seed will grow rapidly.  Being aware of how our body feels is very important.  Find ways of healthy release.

Releasing Tension 

Release tension and stress in the body.  Maybe it’s laughter , a nice stretch, a long morning walk, or just breathing . Do something ! A good exercise I use is a method called Box Breathing.  Basically you breathe in for four seconds. Hold it at the top for four seconds.  Let it out for four seconds and then hold it at the bottom for another four.  Repeat that sequence four or five times.  There is such a power in the breath when resetting the mind and body.  This will also open your diaphragm and help the blood and muscles get oxygenated. Exercise also offers a moment/space for the mind to take a rest and focus on something else .  It can be such a helpful tool when you can’t stop thinking about something.

In closing:

Life is complicated.  There will always be highs and lows.  Some of the lows catch us by surprise.  In those moments remember to:

Stay Present

Ask For Help

Focus on what is Good in your Life

Know that it is Only Change

Look for Open Doors

Let go of what you Can’t Control

Find a way to Release the Stress in your Physical Body

 

Don’t give up ! You will get through this!  Stay present friends.  Be Well.

 

 

 

 

Cutting the Cord- It’s OK to separate yourself from toxic family members.

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At the beginning of our lives we are attached to our mother by an umbilical cord that literally pumps nutrients and life for our vitality as a young infant.  It is an absolute part of being born.  There is no denying that you are literally tied to a life supply from your mother.  ( Thanks to all the Moms out there bringing life into the world.)

On the other side of that is this invisible cord we seem to keep attached to family members no matter what the cost .  Our sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles; they all play a role in how we become who we are.  Our family is an extension of us.  Somehow you are bound to them for life. But at what cost?

We just finished the holiday season.  How many of us feel completely drained of energy from having to suck it up and spend time with our disturbed family members?  After about 20 years of feeling highly uncomfortable and almost “forced ” to engage with toxic people,  I decided to do it differently this year.  No awkward preparations  ( you know wouldn’t have been good enough somehow), no worrying about peoples likes and dislikes, and no anxiety about the blow up that happens every year because we can’t all operate peacefully in the same space.

The absence of a few people made all the difference in the world.  It made me wonder why I had put myself through the misery for so long?

Here are some key points I came away with this season:

Boundaries are important and necessary

If you don’t feel comfortable around someone you don’t have to be around them.  Simple.  Life changes.  Everyone is different.  We must know ourselves and our own boundaries, and be able to stand by them when they are tested.  Follow your truth.

Follow your truth

Don’t allow others to walk all over your beliefs / life practices just because they are / have been an authority to you in the past.  The role of a parent is to raise a child and put them out into the world as a decent human being.  To teach us things while we are young and set a blueprint/foundation to build on.  They are right when they say there is no book on how to be a perfect parent ( actually there are several awesome resources to direct you now.) .  For a long time parents just went by what they were taught from their parents and tried their best.  Sometimes you want to live differently than you were taught and that is OK.  Follow your truth .  Find a way to send love and be kind. Do not break your own boundaries and beliefs because of someone who “used” to have authority over you, thinks your way is wrong.

Honor your Mother , Father, Sister and Brother

Good ole’ Mommy and Daddy. They did on a physical level,  bring you into this world.  For the most part I’m sure they tried to raise you the best they knew how.  Maybe you don’t see eye-to-eye now.  Maybe you don’t even speak anymore.  That’s OK.  No matter what the situation always send them love and kindness.  Honor them for who they are.  Be grateful for the life they gave you and always send out good vibrations for them/ towards them.    Appreciate them for all they have taught you.  Good or bad it has made you into who you are as an adult.   This also goes for brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts .  They have played a role in your life.  Respect them for who they are and send them love.  Stay free of anger and hate.  That helps no one.

You aren’t who you once were

We change over our lifetimes.  All of us do.  We experience many places and philosophies. The world changes all around us.  We are not the little children of yesterday.  Most of us have children of our own .  We see ourselves in them and wonder if we are having a positive impact on their lives?  Think back about how much you have changed, look at all the situations and struggles, all the success that inspired you to do more, how the path and surroundings changed .  You are not who you once were.  Often times I think older family members get stuck on how it ” should be” or how it “used to be” and forget that we are ever changing.  Nothing stays the same .  Know who you are. Be brave enough to stand in that place.  You earned that authority over yourself.

It’s ok to cut the cord

Just like when you were a baby, you can cut yourself free from that invisible cord.  You will be able to sustain yourself.  When you know your worth, know your strengths, create healthy boundaries, and reflect to all involved only love and appreciation, then It’s more than ok to cut the cord .  Bad blood becomes toxic to our systems.  You are not bound to negativity of the past.  You are not “forced” to surround yourself with toxic family members.  Do what’s best for you.

In closing:

I know it is hard sometimes to turn away family.  Just because you love and appreciate them does not mean you must surround yourself with them for sake of holidays and tradition.  You should not be forced to let your energy be drained by someone because they hold the title of family member.

At some point we all become adults and are responsible for our own lives and well- being.  Be good to yourself.  Find what/who resonates with you.  Be OK with the fact that you might need to rearrange after healthy boundaries are set so that you can live your best life.  It is not unkind.  It is not cruel.  You are doing everyone a favor by not continuing the dysfunction.  Go ahead………

CUT THE CORD !

 

 

 

Thank you for taking time to read this.  I would love to hear any stories or thoughts you may have.  Any advice for someone struggling with family dysfunctions?   

Be well everyone.

Instant Pain Relief with Simple Tools

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There are simple and easy techniques that can be learned and applied in those moments of  pain escalation that can bring you back down to some kind of homeostasis (balance).  I’m not talking about magic cures or fancies remedies that make things disappear (Although you would be very surprised). I am talking about having tools in your tool belt to deal with chronic pain and stress when they arrive in our day to day lives .  Sometimes if you take a moment to reset your mind and body , you can function and get through the tasks at hand .

Here are six quick and simple tools:

1. Breathe

Yes.  You have heard it before.  Just breathe.  Take a minute for yourself.  Sit or stand with your spine erect and diaphragm(chest cavity) opened.  Close your eyes.  Take four or five deep breaths.  Breathing directly into the space holding the physical pain.  This will oxygenate the blood and muscles. Clear your thoughts for a moment, only focusing on the breath. Slow down your heart rate.  Quite everything down so much that you can hear your own heart beat.  Then open your eyes and feel the space that has been made.  There is serious power in the breath.  There are so many techniques but I like box breathing for this exercise .  It consists of a four second inhale……Holding for four seconds at the top of the breath, then releasing for four seconds and repeating the cycle several times.  Just nice easy breaths, taking your time while counting, and making sure to use up full lung capacity.  It is a beautiful tool, the breath.  So much power to create change.

2. Mood Enhancers / Mood Stabilizers

Sometimes it helps to look ahead and keep things with you that you might need throughout the day.  I like to carry a couple essential oils with me.  There are several that are absolutely amazing for mood management.  I love Wild Orange any time day or night.  It always seems to enhance my mood immediately.  I basically run it in my diffuser 24 hours a day.  If you are out and about , simply put a drop in your hands and inhale .  Do you ever feel that two o’clock  drag?  Where your body is tired and  hurting and you are just done?  Try Peppermint and Wild Orange together for an amazing pick- me-up.

For mood stabilization I like to go with woodsy /grounding oils like DoTERRA Balance Blend, or even just some good ole’ Lavender .  It always seems to have a positive effect on those around you after applying/ diffusing it.

There are so many options in choices of oils and how to apply them, but these are a great start.

3. Topical Application

Let’s not forget the power of just applying something topically where the pain is.  If you can trick your mind for a few minutes, you can find temporary relief physically and mentally.   I love DoTERRA Deep Blue Rub for muscle aches and pains.  It’s so penetrating.  It does have the classic menthol smell.  If you want to stay away from that I recommend Lavender or Siberian Fir for tired achy muscles. Apply ( with proper dilution)to desired area of pain while breathing deeply.

4. EFT/Tapping

This is a gem I ran across about four years ago in a very trying time.  I can’t tell you how much it helped me then, and how much I use it now for a quick reset. Here is a link on EFT if you want to know more .  You don’t have to do it exactly how they teach it as far as the wording.  It’s important to learn the simple sequence of moves 1-9 , and why/how they are working for you, and then you can add your own words or meanings as you go  ( that’s what I do).  This is worth checking out and I do really believe in it’s benefits.

5. Guided Imagery

I was introduced to this while working in a Cancer Institute in 2003.  They offered this CEU to all the patients and staff.  It was titled “Pain and Stress Management with Guided Imagery”.   During the class , I remember thinking ” This is a bunch of hocus pocus, I can’t believe they are offering this in a medical facility. ” .  By the end of the class I was a true believer. I felt little to no pain in my body and my mood had completely shifted. Learn more here.  I highly recommend this as an early morning routine or before bed.  There are so many different examples for specific needs.   Search You Tube and find your favorite. I love facilitating these in my massage sessions to release stress and trauma. It’s a great tool with some surprising healing qualities.

6. Affirmations

This was also introduced to me at that same CEU on guided imagery. They described it as another form, and it is literally one of my favorite tools to reset.  You can pick one affirmation through the day and say it.  You can make certain affirmations for certain situations.  You can find all kinds of longer affirmations on-line( You Tube) for specific ailments.  Basically it’s a reprogramming of the mind.  It is very powerful.  It feels a little silly at first, but once you tap into it, it can become a very important tool in your tool belt. Learn more /get examples here . I chose one on anxiety and depression for an example.  This will give you a good idea of what affirmations are and how to use them in your daily life.

 

Thank you so much for your time in reading this.  I hope it was helpful.  Please leave your questions and comments below.  I’d love to hear what your thoughts are on these subjects and maybe how they have helped you.  Be well

Quote Of The Day 11-9-2018

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                         “Attitude is Everything”

 

grayscale photography of girl in long sleeved top and jeans outfit

Photo by Janko Ferlic on Pexels.com

  ” Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice.  Optimism is a choice.  Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Whatever  choice you make , makes you.  Choose wisely”

~Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the heart

Finding A Balance when Dealing with Chronic Pain

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Hi Readers,

I am a long-term sufferer of Chronic Pain.  The Past 24 years I have been on a mission to find, Natural, Safe, and Effective techniques and tools to help aid me in being a happier, healthier me.  This is what I want to spread to my readers.  My Testimonies, My Struggles, and most Importantly my Successes!!

Anyone Dealing with Chronic Pain knows there is more to it than just medicines you take, or the type of exercise you do.  It typically becomes a lifestyle choice.  A choice to put your well-being first, to love yourself, to check your emotional well-being, your nutrition, your sleep patterns, and many other things are in this equation to living a ” Pain Free” life.

Therefore Readers, each of my posts will contain several elements.  First addressing the localized pain with tools, exercises, and treatments.  Second, The emotional connections that deal with the certain type of pain being discussed. Third a nutritional tip of some sort. And Finally a few of my personal recommendations.  Along the way will be  a few  inspirational quotes or links to articles that will stimulate action and progression in your journey to health and happiness.

Living “Pain Free” is a fantasy to some.  It takes a well-rounded foundation.  A” Balance” in our daily activities.  A pyramid of health to build on, is the most wonderful place to start.  So today we keep it simple.

doTERRA Wellness Pyramid

more at info at mydoterra.com/jgg

 

Eat Right, Exercise, Rest and Manage Stress, Reduce Your Toxic Load, Informed Self Care, and Proactive Medical Care.  This is the foundation of a Healthy, Happy, Pain Free Life.  I cannot stress enough that one thing alone is not going to cut it.  A lifestyle choice must be made.  A well-rounded decision for Over All Balance.

 

I look forward to learning more, and experiencing  positive changes in my own life, as we struggle through this together.  I end this with.  Be good to yourself. You are worth it.  You deserve the best life has to offer, and there is hope.

 

 

pain

 

 

Thank you so much for your time in reading this.  I hope it was helpful.  Please leave your questions and comments below.  I’d love to hear what your thoughts are.  Be well