At the beginning of our lives we are attached to our mother by an umbilical cord that literally pumps nutrients and life for our vitality as a young infant. It is an absolute part of being born. There is no denying that you are literally tied to a life supply from your mother. ( Thanks to all the Moms out there bringing life into the world.)

On the other side of that is this invisible cord we seem to keep attached to family members no matter what the cost . Our sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles; they all play a role in how we become who we are. Our family is an extension of us. Somehow you are bound to them for life. But at what cost?

We just finished the holiday season. How many of us feel completely drained of energy from having to suck it up and spend time with our disturbed family members? After about 20 years of feeling highly uncomfortable and almost “forced ” to engage with toxic people, I decided to do it differently this year. No awkward preparations ( you know wouldn’t have been good enough somehow), no worrying about peoples likes and dislikes, and no anxiety about the blow up that happens every year because we can’t all operate peacefully in the same space.

The absence of a few people made all the difference in the world. It made me wonder why I had put myself through the misery for so long?

Here are some key points I came away with this season:

Boundaries are important and necessary

If you don’t feel comfortable around someone you don’t have to be around them. Simple. Life changes. Everyone is different. We must know ourselves and our own boundaries, and be able to stand by them when they are tested. Follow your truth.

Follow your truth

Don’t allow others to walk all over your beliefs / life practices just because they are / have been an authority to you in the past. The role of a parent is to raise a child and put them out into the world as a decent human being. To teach us things while we are young and set a blueprint/foundation to build on. They are right when they say there is no book on how to be a perfect parent ( actually there are several awesome resources to direct you now.) . For a long time parents just went by what they were taught from their parents and tried their best. Sometimes you want to live differently than you were taught and that is OK. Follow your truth . Find a way to send love and be kind. Do not break your own boundaries and beliefs because of someone who “used” to have authority over you, thinks your way is wrong.

Honor your Mother , Father, Sister and Brother

Good ole’ Mommy and Daddy. They did on a physical level, bring you into this world. For the most part I’m sure they tried to raise you the best they knew how. Maybe you don’t see eye-to-eye now. Maybe you don’t even speak anymore. That’s OK. No matter what the situation always send them love and kindness. Honor them for who they are. Be grateful for the life they gave you and always send out good vibrations for them/ towards them. Appreciate them for all they have taught you. Good or bad it has made you into who you are as an adult. This also goes for brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts . They have played a role in your life. Respect them for who they are and send them love. Stay free of anger and hate. That helps no one.

You aren’t who you once were

We change over our lifetimes. All of us do. We experience many places and philosophies. The world changes all around us. We are not the little children of yesterday. Most of us have children of our own . We see ourselves in them and wonder if we are having a positive impact on their lives? Think back about how much you have changed, look at all the situations and struggles, all the success that inspired you to do more, how the path and surroundings changed . You are not who you once were. Often times I think older family members get stuck on how it ” should be” or how it “used to be” and forget that we are ever changing. Nothing stays the same . Know who you are. Be brave enough to stand in that place. You earned that authority over yourself.

It’s ok to cut the cord

Just like when you were a baby, you can cut yourself free from that invisible cord. You will be able to sustain yourself. When you know your worth, know your strengths, create healthy boundaries, and reflect to all involved only love and appreciation, then It’s more than ok to cut the cord . Bad blood becomes toxic to our systems. You are not bound to negativity of the past. You are not “forced” to surround yourself with toxic family members. Do what’s best for you.

In closing:

I know it is hard sometimes to turn away family. Just because you love and appreciate them does not mean you must surround yourself with them for sake of holidays and tradition. You should not be forced to let your energy be drained by someone because they hold the title of family member.

At some point we all become adults and are responsible for our own lives and well- being. Be good to yourself. Find what/who resonates with you. Be OK with the fact that you might need to rearrange after healthy boundaries are set so that you can live your best life. It is not unkind. It is not cruel. You are doing everyone a favor by not continuing the dysfunction. Go ahead………

CUT THE CORD !

Thank you for taking time to read this. I would love to hear any stories or thoughts you may have. Any advice for someone struggling with family dysfunctions?

Be well everyone.

Intention is a funny thing. I heard once, ” a dream is a wish your heart makes. “. It starts as a thought , something you hear or see , and it resonates so intensely that a fire begins to burn inside you . That spirit within speaks something special and unique to your heart. Your intuition begins to stir . You start to dream out every detail. It brings you so much joy to think about, and when you take the steps of action to achieve it , it falls right into your hands. What a beautiful and special feeling. I personally think that this is what it is like to know you are on your path of purpose.

Here are 6 very helpful thoughts/tools that can be utilized to enhance and accelerate any “dreams” that you want to become tangible.

1.Dream in Detail

A journal is an extremely helpful way to track goals . Sit down and write out in detail what this “dream” looks like . Every ,single , detail. What do you need to get started? What do you need to succeed? Who do you have by your side? Not only those things, But do the actions you need to take bring you happiness and fulfillment? What do you expect to get out of reaching your goal ? Why did it resonate with you in the first place ? Sometimes the “WHY” can be the biggest catalyst to success.

2.Does it bring you joy?

We often times get so caught up looking toward the finish line, that we forget to enjoy running the race. I have read many times over that when you are aligned with your purpose it brings you joy. Take a second to look at your dreams and evaluate how much joy you feel while taking the steps needed to achieve them..

3.Take Action!

Break things down into little steps . Start right away . You don’t have to have everything figured out. It doesn’t need to be perfect. Don’t wait on your dreams. No matter how small it seems, do something every day to achieve what you want. It is nice to sit around and look at our goals, but if action is absent, most times , goals are not achieved .

4.Are your Goals in-line with your Purpose?

Often times in life we hit those roadblocks. Situations come to pass that make us think twice. These are great indicators you are not in-line with your purpose. My Granny always says ” Jenny Glenn ( that’s what she calls me ) , you know it’s right when you get all the green lights.” I think she is onto something there. If your truest intentions are bringing you joy and everything is going your way ,or perhaps even better than you planned , then you can rest assured you are on the right track. When you hit roadblocks, stop signs, and construction, you may want to re-evaluate the next steps in your journey. This is a great time to look back at your journal .

5.What Story are you Telling Yourself?

Our brains are wired for a story. Blueprints are very strong. Many of us have been taught things that we carry with us our entire lives. In the times of trouble or doubt, always re-evaluate the story you are telling yourself . Is it a story someone told you a long time ago that you decided was truth? Can you change your thinking? Open your mind to explore other possibilities that are in-line with your purpose. Break through barriers that have been set for you in the past . You can build off the wisdom of others while making “your story”, your very own.

6.Model after Someone who is Successful

Ever heard the saying “watch the company you keep.” ? It’s an oldie but goodie. Surround yourself with like-minded people . When you are focused on a goal , it is always helpful to look at those who have gone before you. How did they get started? What steps did they take? What resonates with you that they’ve done ? How could you easily put twists to it and make those practices your own? This can also be a helpful tool to avoid any of those roadblocks or accidents . You see the mistakes of others, learn and grow from their experiences without having to go through it yourself. Before you know it YOU are the one inspiring someone else , and the cycle begins again.

Photo by Luka Siemionov on Pexels.com

In closing : Your dreams are precious. Especially if the intention is to be in-line with your purpose. So dream in detail, light a fire in your soul, keep your eyes open to what resonates with you, live joyfully through your purpose, know the story you are telling yourself, re-assess your goals often , spread the knowledge of truth to like-minded individuals, and most importantly , don’t ever let anyone else write your story.

Thank you so much for your time in reading this. I hope it was helpful. Please leave your questions and comments below. I’d love to hear what your thoughts are. Be well

Jen Help Me

Massage , Energetic Body Work and Tools for Life

Tag: purpose

Cutting the Cord- It’s OK to separate yourself from toxic family members.